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"If anytime, you never know..you need a friend..."
Tears of longing spilled from my eyes at the thought of the kindly Doctor Jekyll, his words of compassion spoken so many weeks ago echoing over and over in the haze of my exhausted mind.
Oh, how I needed a friend now.
Now that all hope had seemingly fled from my life...all happiness and laughter,which I had known so little of, now gone completely. Replaced with a terror and darkness that haunted me every hour of every day, and grew nearly unbearable each evening when the sun set...for I knew that he would be coming for me,as he did every night,without fail. The hateful monster that had claimed me as his own. That man who I despised, and feared, and desired, all at once...who's touch could go from warm and almost comforting, to forceful...merciless, without warning.
Crying silently, I rose from my bed...the white sheets stained in several places from my own blood. Stiff and aching, I slid my arms through the sleeves of my satin robe, my tears increasing from the sharp, stinging pain as the light fabric brushed my abused back and shoulders.
The old, spotted mirror that hung beside my bed revealed such a startling image, I wanted to scream, but the sound caught in my throat...all I could do was stare. It seemed impossible that the pitiful creature,with the lost, empty eyes, staring out from a pale,,drawn face,,could in fact, be me. A light bruise marred my jaw, and small finger-print marks ran all the way down my throat. I shuddered to think of how my back must look, as dreadfully sore it was, more and more by the minute.
It was when I was dressing, a little while later, when I realized that I was indeed needing of my Doctor's help,more than I had at first wanted to admit to myself. The pain in my neck, shoulders and back only heightened as I buttoned up my dress...I felt weak, and dizzy..my vision going in and out of focus...all the effort I had left going in to not losing control of my nauseated stomach.
The idea of seeing Doctor Jekyll again, excited me, and with the promise of soon seeing his kind face, I swallowed my tears, and tried my best to deny the ever-growing agony that consumed my body. I brushed through my tangled mess of dark hair, then pinned it up hastily, random curls refusing to obey, defiantly tumbling to frame my too-pale face. As best I could, I covered the bruise on my jaw with my modest supply of powder, added a touch of rouge to bring color to my chalky complexion, and a drop of lilac scented water, a gift, of sorts, from one of my former customers, on each of my bruised wrists.
A definate improvement, I thought, looking at my tired,though,now at least, presentable reflection once again. I took the small white card that Doctor Jekyll had given me out of the bottom drawer of my night table,and,after glancing at the Doctor's address, slipped it into my handbag.
46 Harley Street.
Quite a distance from the 'Rat, but with the Doctor's pleasant smile etched in my mind, I almost didnt feel the cold winds whipping around me, or the slight drizzle of rain that dampened my hair,as I trudged through the fairly deserted streets of London.
Each quiet house I passed sent a pang of yearning through my heart. How nice it must be, to live such a peaceful, happy life, in a house like that. How thrilling to have the sound of children's laughter bellowing through the hallways...a husband beside you when you woke. Never to be hungry,or frightened, or alone. It seemed to me those ladies that indeed led such marvelous lives, with their fancy clothes and their dozens of dutiful servants,were as lucky as anyone could be.
When at last I reached Doctor Jekylls house, I gasped in awe at its elegant beauty.Tall, solid, and refined..just like the Doctor himself.
I rang the doorbell timidly, feeling suddenly uncertain.It was early, yet...I hoped to God I wasnt waking anyone.The door opened moments later,and a tall, older gentleman stood before me. He smiled warmly, his eyes bright and and friendly, though somewhat questioning. I blushed, knowing how out of\ place I must have looked.
"Hello sir", I greeted,nodding. "I'm hear to see Dr. Jekyll...."
The old man's eyes narrowed, as though he thought I had just requested the impossible. He shook his head, and smiled apologetically.
"I'm sorry Miss..the Doctor isnt receiving visitors at this time," he explained simply.
My heart pounded in dread...he had to see me..he just had too. Hastily, I removed the Doctor's small business card from my bag, and placed it in the gentleman's gloved hand. "He gave me this..not long ago. Gave me his permission to come here, he did...or else I wouldnt have."
After staring at the card in surprise,he stepped aside, and motioned for me into the entry-way with a grace I found charming. "I'll go let Dr. Jekyll know you're here Miss," he said, and then he was gone from my site, leaving me to stare wide-eyed at the beautiful parlor.
Such furniture, draperies, and rugs I had only dreamed of, were right there in front of me. I felt terribly inadequate amongst such sophistication...afraid to touch anything, for fear of disturbing the shining perfection that surrounded me.
Minutes ticked by slowly,and I began to wonder if visiting at this hour...or at all, had been a mistake. I paced back and forth, the physical pain I was feeling now a dull ache, nothing compared to the pain in my heart, thinking that perhaps the Doctor didnt want to see me after all.
"This way, Miss.."
I looked up quickly, startled out of my bleak thoughts. There he was again, the gentleman with the warm smile. His hand was out-stretched to take mine, and eagerly, I took it. He gently led me down a long corridor, into a dimly lit room full of rich, massive furniture, and more bookshelves than I could count.
My breath caught when I saw Doctor Jekyll, bent over a large desk, his back to me, unaware, obviously,that I had entered his office. I began to shiver, unable to speak, or to move any closer. The good natured older man had disappeared...no one to address the Doctor of my presence. No one but me.
I took a small step foward...and then froze. Like a perfect fool, I only stood there, knowing the Doctor must turn around eventually. Frantically, I attempted to strike a casual pose, crossing, then uncrossing my arms...moving one hand to my hair,then back down again, frustrated at my own lack of style and grace. Finally I rested my hands on my hips, giving off an impatient impression, as opposed to the calm collected one that had been my goal. Then, thankfully, Doctor Jekyll turned my way.
He looked miserably tired, his weary eyes full of troubled shadows. His beautiful ebony locks pulled back untidily...his clothes rumpled, and dirty. I bit down on my lip to keep from gasping at his state of disorder.
However, when those tired eyes met mine with a spark of immediate recognition, a smile formed on his lips. "Good morning Miss....Miss...?" he floundered, blushing.
"Lucy" I said, perhaps a bit too loudly. "Lucy Harris. I'm the one you and your friend met that night..."
Nodding, he gestured toward a plush white settee."Please...do sit down.."
I obliged him quickly, grateful to rest my aching legs. He stared at me expectantly...waiting for me to tell him my reason for visiting. Again, words eluded me...shame overwhelming me with a sudden fierceness. I stared down at my lap, unable to again meet his eyes.
"Lucy, dear..what can I do for you?" he asked politely, when I remained silent.
"I...well...you said..if I ever need a friend.." I stammered finally, still staring at the faded floral pattern of my skirt.
Doctor Jekyll paused a moment, then spoke again, this time with a touch of urgerncy."Yes, of course, Lucy. I did. Is something the matter? Why are you trembling so? You've probably gone and caught a chill coming here in such horrendous weather..."
I lifted my head then, hot tears filling my eyes,distorting my vision. "I...had to see you..." I said softly, as the beautiful Doctor knelt beside me, his eyebrows drawn together in a concerned frown. His hands reached foward and took both of mine,his touch so soothing, so loving, I could no longer prevent my tears from escaping.
"Please, Lucy, darling...I fear I cannot help you if you do not tell me the problem..." he coaxed quietly, as though speaking to child.
I couldnt tell him. Not in words. I could not speak of the terrible things that despicable beast had done to me...nor could I stand up and walk away from this man who's troubled expression mirrored my own, and pretend as if nothing had happened. Slowly, I slipped my hands from the Doctor's, and began to unbutton the front of my dress. He sat back, confused, murmering a protest I was too distraught to understand.
All the pain that had mercifully faded, came rushing back again as I lifted my arms, and removed my dress completely. Standing only in my loose white chemise, I turned my back to the flustered Doctor, prompting an audible gasp of shock.
"Dear God, Lucy....who could do such a thing...??"
"A true English gentleman. Pretty, isn't it?" I answered with hollow disgust, again sitting on the settee. "I had to come, sir...had nowhere else to go..."
"Of course," Doctor Jekyll said from behind me, his eyes examining the extent of my wounds. "I'll take care of you Lucy, you're safe now," he promised, the gentle affection in his voice sending a sigh of relief though my body.
I watched as he retrieved several bottles, jars, and bandages from a table on the far side of the room,his face stern and thoughtful as he carefully selected each item.
"What kind of monster..." he said, half to himself, it seemed,shaking his head.
"I shall never forget his name...Hyde. Edward Hyde." I spat the name coldly...the very sound of it, even coming from my own mouth, sickened me.
The Doctor haulted his choosing of treatments abruptly. He stood there, bent somewhat over the table, stiff and tense and so still, I began to feel a trace of uneasiness.
"Why did you come to me??" he demanded,his back still to me, seeming suddenly furious."Your family?? Couldnt you have gone to your them??"
Caught between anger and horror at his outburst, feeling new tears forming at his harshness, I spoke in a dry whisper,unable to withhold the hurt from my voice. "I havent got any family,sir..I'm sorry...I...you..you gave me your card..." I reminded him in childish stutters, pathetically trying to justify my apperantly foolish reasoning.
"Yes..." he said after a breif hesitation. Doctor Jekyll turned,then, his face drained of color,a swirling dark cloud of some unreadable emotion lingering in his dark eyes."Forgive me Lucy, I didnt mean to shout. You had every right to come here. And I'm glad you did. Truly."
I smiled at him,though I didn't understand his sudden change of mood. Nor did I want to dwell on it.
"I've never had someone like you be so kind to me before.." I murmered quietly, as the Doctor again moved behind me to begin dressing my wounds.
Doctor Jekyll didn't respond. Instead he gently tugging down the straps of my chemise, and rested a warm cloth on one of my abrasions, that after a moment, sent sharp, stinging pains lancing through me. I gasped from the shock of its sudden intensity, instinctively jerking away, wanting nothing more but to escape the pain.
"Oh Lucy...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..." the Doctor said desperately,tears in his own voice, quickly removing the cloth from my tortured skin. Was he crying??
"Its all right...I'm all right.." I answered,with all the lightheartedness I could muster. I couldnt bear to hear him so distraught.
Again, he began tending my wounds, his hands so deft, so tender, now, I smiled to myself. The pain gradually began to lesson,and within minutes, was nothing but a grim, tolerable ache. I sighed, savoring his warmth when I had the chance,wishing that our second meeting had not been one so fraught with unhappiness and pain.
"You'll soon feel more comfortable," he began when he had finished. "However, I'm sending this jar of salve with you...apply it as often as possible for a week or so. It will help with any further discomfort."I nodded gratefully at his instructions, and dropped the small jar into my handbag.
I then stepped into my dress, and to my pleasant surprise Doctor Jekyll moved quickly to my side to assist me, his hands moving up my stomach with each button. I took both his hands in mine and brought them to my lips in a silent gesture of gratitude.
The burning fire I saw when I gazed up into his eyes sent shivers through my spine....that look of longing had not been there moments ago. My mind void of all rational thought, I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck, bringing my mouth to his in a kiss I knew right away was as desired on his part as it was mine,his arms encircling my waist immediatly. I kissed him deeply, hungrily, feeling starved for such gentle passion as he alone could give me.
It was he who pulled away from me, for I could have stayed in his arms for the rest of my life and been perfectly happy. He stared into my eyes for the longest time, his expression going from that of love and admiration, to bleak and pitying. And remorseful, too, I thought, though I didn't understand why.
"I must attend to my work now, Lucy, darling. Its more important to me now than ever to put an end to all this insanity with...." his voice broke off as he turned away from me once again, my arms reluctantly falling from around him. Nothing left to hold but empty space,similar to the hollow emptiness slowly settling in my heart. He couldnt go...he couldnt leave me now...not after what had just transpired between us.
And yet, he was leaving, gathering up a stack of papers, his movements rushed and careless. He turned in the doorway of the office, where I stood, paralyzed from the misery of being left alone again by the one man I trusted.
"Take care of youself, my dear. I pray you never endure such agony again...I'm so sorry...for everything that you've been put through...I shall put an end to your suffering...to everyone's suffering.....Good Morning,Miss Lucy.."
With that he was gone...leaving me to ponder over his strange words that made little sense to me. How could he put an end to my suffering, when he had just abandoned me in his own home...?
I sighed, recanting the moment my lips touched his...it seemed nothing but a dream then...a dream that had so much standing in its way of ever coming true. The Doctor himself had confused me so, I didnt know whether to fall into a fit of giggles, or burst into tears. His change of moods..vague to friendly, indifferent to passionate.
Impossible, or worth pursuing further, I could not decide,as my mind marveled at the events of my so far dramatic morning.
A small smile touched my lips as I let myself out of the Doctor's fine
home, for despite all else...Doctor Henry Jekyll had returned my kiss....