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HJ7 Formulations and Observations
Dr. Henry Jekyll
Experiment Journal
30th May 1885
I have managed to acquire my laboratory
journal and a writing utensil from my ever-concerned counterpart Ms. St.
Just, who has, since her
"discussion" with Hyde, maintained a considerable distance from my
bedside. This leaves me only to worry that he has finally reached her,
and that
she is now in as much danger as myself, my darling wife Emma, or anyone
I should come in contact with, for that matter. Until she told me he had
attempted to converse with her, I had accounted her as the only person
knowledgeable and strong enough to avoid his grasp, but the look on her
face
when I regained consciousness yesterday has told me otherwise. I cannot
recall a single word of the aforementioned discussion, only vaguely that
Hyde had informed me that he has a plan of his own before blocking
my attempts at regaining control. It is this "plan" he spoke of that provokes
me to
write today, to make the final calculations for a drug that will, in
all honesty, kill me . . . slowly and through a series of injections. After
each phase of
our experiment, Helena will be able to study the effects of this drug
on Hyde as well as myself, and ultimately calculate roughly the stage of
"death" in
which the evil persona that plagues me will disengage itself from my
soul.
Though Hyde and I are, in fact,
the same person, it is my belief that we do branch away from one another,
at the point where the soul is
formed, on the verge of the living and the dead. Perhaps once we reach
this point I will find it in myself strong enough to cast my evil side
into the
gates of hell, to abandon what has for so long been a part of myself.
Though I have fought these weeks to destroy this evil--all my life perhaps--I
shudder to think of the consequences of living without the need for
a conscience. I scarcely believe a man can function in Helena's "perfect"
existence,
free of all evil, but my options are clear. Either I maintain my current
status, futilely battling to keep Hyde in check, or I entrust my life and
fate into the
capable hands of Helena St. Just . . . and pray that I emerge victorious.
If all goes according to plan,
I will eventually recover, through an antidote Helena and I have devised,
and return to my full health free of the
evil that torments me. There is however a chance, however slim, that
Hyde's strength may reign supreme, and that I may be forced to relent possession
of my being to him, in which case Helena will, as promised, inject
me with the remainder of the poisonous drug . . . and my great experiment
will have
concluded.
I will do my best to record all
necessary data for as long as I am able to, and where I falter Helena will
resume observation in her own journal,
for the benefit of future studies. All is in order, our latest study
is set to begin-but I shall not allow a single injection until I have time
alone with Emma.
Time to convince her this is the best answer . . . and time to remind
her of how much I love her, now and always.
"Henry, may I come in?"
"John, of course!" Dr, Jekyll spoke with as much energy as he could muster.
"You're looking well . . . much
better then the last time I was in this room." Utterson said uncomfortably,
hesitantly entering the room, and
coming to stand by the bed. Henry smiled, setting aside his journal
and reaching out a hand. Utterson shook it gently, surprised at the growing
strength
with which he was met.
"John, let it be known that you're
assistance to Ms. St. Just in saving my life is greatly appreciated." Jekyll
said, smiling widely to dispel any
fears Utterson may have about his well being. In all truthfulness,
he did feel a great deal better. His weakness was rapidly diminishing,
Hyde had
perhaps retreated to gather strength for the upcoming battle, but there
was no sign of him anywhere in Jekyll's being. His only regret was that
he
would soon be at death's door once again, and as he watched his best
dear friend John Utterson pull up a chair beside his bed, he silently wished
for
the strength to say what had to be said.
"I would hardly call my actions
on your wedding day 'assistance', Henry. Perhaps the word 'ignorance' is
more in order . . . I merely held
your head off the floor and reminded you of the irony of dying before
the members of the Board of Governors." He quipped, drawing a hearty chuckle
from the recuperating doctor.
"Ahhh, so it was you and not the
Lord . . . I was wondering why God himself shared my view or the Board."
He added, returning the
chuckle. He looked away then, from the eyes of that man who had so
willingly assumed the role of father for him, and when he spoke again all
gaiety
had fled his voice. "John, you have been my trusted friend for so long
. . .tell me I still hold your belief."
"Of course, Henry . . . although
these last weeks have taken years off my life, I'm afraid." He joked, trying
once again to lighten the heart of
his colleague.
"John, please . . . I need to know
if I can tell you what I am about to do. It is important my affairs are
in order, and you as my lawyer . . . my
friend, I need to know that you will look after Emma and see that she
is happy should something happen to me." His words--or rather the tone
of his
voice--immediately stopped Utterson in his tracks, causing him to see
the weariness in Henry's face for the first time.
"Henry, you have my word. As your
friend." He said, laying a hand on the sick man's arm. "Henry, look at
me please." He said softly, Jekyll
taking a few moments before meeting his gaze with his own watery eyes.
"Why do you say these things? Why now, when you're health is improving
.
. . "
"John, he lives on within me." Henry said softly, simply.
"I do not understand how this is
possible, Emma said he . . . you told her yourself he was gone!" Utterson
burst out, not able to catch his
frustration before he shouted.
"Please John, I need your strength.
Please understand that I've found away to destroy Hyde forever, but I must
hide this experiment from
Emma and Sir Danvers. If only you could realize just how important
that is. I do not want to worry her in the least; she cannot be made upset
in her
delicate condition. To know that monster still lives on inside me would
kill her, John." He spoke quickly and quietly, and Utterson nodded in
compliance.
"I swear to you, Dr. Jekyll . . . she'll not know a thing about this latest experiment of yours, nor will her father."
"Thank you, John. There is nothing
left to lose now but my own life, and that is the very thing I must put
on the line in order to stop him . . .
if it is possible to stop him at all." He added with hesitance, watching
John's reaction.
"How do you plan to go about this, Henry? I trust you have a theory that is trustworthy enough to warrant a life or death outcome."
"I do . . . Helena and I have devised
a drug that will effectively and systematically poison my body to the point
of coma, and eventually
death--before you say a word let me continue John . . . " He added,
quickly plowing through his friend's protest before he could get a word
in
edgewise. "Although Hyde is deeply a part of my soul, there is a limit
to our bond. When I was unconscious all those days and nights, John, I
saw
things . . . " He trailed off, not sure of how to make Utterson see
the sense in his endeavor. Flustered, he continued quickly, before he could
loose his
train of thought. " I saw the edge of this world-I know how ludicrous
that must sound to you-but I saw . . . I know there is a way to . . . I
feel it, John
. . . I feel as though there is a way to-"
"Henry, I understand . . . you
still have my belief, you always have. Take a breath." He interrupted gently,
Jekyll pausing a moment before
continuing.
"When I lay dying, when Helena
was uncertain of whether or not I would pull through . . . all those days
were spent somewhere, John. Hyde
and I were more aware of each other then ever before. In that state,
on the verge of death . . . it seemed that we were separated even more,
that
although Hyde is still part of me, we both are almost completely free
of each other. Ever since the wedding, it's evident that Hyde and I are
capable of
destroying each other, which was until then impossible because of the
fact that we were two aspects of one soul. John, Hyde and I are at war
now, not
just for the right to this body . . . but for permanent superiority.
And if I can go back to that place, the place where we separate into two
complete souls
. . . I can free myself of him forever." He stopped then, sighing audibly.
Henry was terrified that he had lost John then, in those following seconds
of
silence, and that he had finally succeeded in loosing his friend's
faith.
"When do you begin? And how can
I be of 'assistance'." He added, smiling gently and patting Jekyll's arm
yet again. At which point Henry's
eyes fell shut, his lungs releasing a burst of air he hadn't even realized
he had been holding.
"Oh thank you, John. Thank you for understanding." He said almost silently, thanking God for this blessing.
"Henry, you are my dearest friend,
think nothing of it. Just tell me if would you like anything before this
experiment of yours is initiated. Do
you have any last requests?" He asked, his face wearing a questioning
expression. Jekyll allowed himself to lie back against the pillow, relaxing
for the
first time since John entered the room, and grinned.
"Oh God, John, yes! You have no
idea what I would do for some Brandy and a hair band."