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Edward Hyde as Air Hostess
by Nanna Alroth
The passengers are sitting quietly awaiting the safety instructions from the air hostess. Suddenly there is a terrible noise, like somebody was throwing kitchenware around. The curtain is torn down and with an angry sneer, your host for this flight arrives. His long black hair is hanging down his face, his eyes are glowing and he is wearing an ill-fitting purser's uniform. His white shirt is torn open and has plenty of dark stains, and his dark blue jacket is hanging loosely from his wide shoulders. He is looking somewhat confused at first, but soon straightens up, puts his hands on his hips, and grins evilly.
"Hi. The name's Hyde. Edward Hyde. You're supposed to be listening to me right now, you morons." He turns quickly to face a couple who have been sitting talking quietly to each other.
He points his finger at them and shouts, "SHUT UP!! I'm the one to do the talking here!"
"All right. The plane is moving and the doors are all locked. That is, you can't get away from here... or from me."
He smiles horribly.
"If this damn wreck of a plane should crash, then we're all dead. Of course, there's a lot of weird stuff in here to use while the plane is plunging..."
Hyde rips open a compartment above an empty seat. He pulls out a length of plastic tube attached to a face mask. "Here's a damn thing which I don't know how to use..."
He pulls harder and the plastic breaks.
"You see, garbage, all of it. Have fun with this while you're still alive."
He throws the broken mask at one of the passengers.
"Oh, yes, there's another thing..."
Hyde rummages around under an empty seat, and finds a folded life vest. He looks at it as if it was a dead rat.
"What the hell is this?"
He scratches his head, smells the folded plastic and bites it.
"Well, you probably can't eat it..."
A young male passenger raises his hand and says quietly, "I think it is a life vest."
Hyde slowly and menacingly approaches the man.
"You know... I didn't ask for your F***ING OPINION!!"
A loud cracking sound is heard as Hyde's fist makes contact with the man's face. He slumps unconscious in his chair.
"Well, there's one damn fool who won't disturb me again!"
He returns to his position and grabs the plastic, unfolds it and turns it around this way and that.
"Life vest - not very likely that this piece of shit is going to save anybody's life. Well, what the hell... you could use it to choke your damn brats when they start annoying you. They always do, sooner or later."
Hyde throws the life vest to the floor and grins maniacally. He seems to have a lot of teeth.
"And now for the fun part. The booze."
He rubs his hands together and takes out an opened bottle of whisky from one of his pockets. He takes off the cap and drinks deeply. Then he licks his lips and grins again.
"There's a lot of booze on this plane, enough of it to make everyone of us dead drunk. It's cheap as well. A lot better than silly plastic things to keep you calm when we crash."
He gives the bottle to a little old lady.
"Keep this for me, grandma, will ya?"
Then he brings out a new packet of cigarettes, takes one out and lights it. He inhales, clearly enjoying it, and blows the smoke in the face of the old lady. He chuckles happily as she starts to cough.
"There's cigarettes too. A lot of them."
He grabs the bottle from the old lady's trembling hands and drinks until it's empty, then puts the cigarette back in his mouth. He looks disdainfully at the passengers.
"But you can't smoke on this plane. Only I can do that. If I happened to notice someone of you smoking..."
He goes close to a family and puts the cigarette close to a small child's face.
"IF... I happened to notice someone of you smoking... I would simply HAVE TO press the smoking cigarette into your eye."
He grins again.
"But I'm not totally without a heart. You can choose which eye."
Hyde thinks for a while, then shrugs his shoulders. He's obviously drunk.
"There was something else... but hell, it must've been something about the journey or the grub or something like that. Damn, we'll get there when we get there. And I'll eat the food, so never mind that."
Another wolf's grin.
"And... if some of the young ladies aboard should happen to feel a bit nervous during the flight, you know where to find me. I'll help you to get your mind on something else. I know you're all nothing but damn whores anyway, I know what you really want."
Somewhat unsteadily, he walks down the row of seats, grabs a teenage girl, kisses her roughly and squeezes her breasts. When she tries to get away, he slaps her and throws her to the floor. He laughs drunkenly.
"Heh heh heh... just as I told you, a little whore."
He stumbles back, spits on the floor and stares at the passengers. He points to a button above a seat.
"And before I leave you... NEVER PRESS THAT F***ING BUTTON!! Damn, you don't think I'll bring you juice or a soda, do you?!"
Quickly he breaks the empty whisky bottle against a seat where an old man is sitting. Hyde waves the broken bottle close to the old man's face.
Another sadistic grin.
"If somebody pushes that button... I might use this on you. Try it and we'll see what happens, I think I might enjoy it. I might enjoy it a lot, actually."
He stretches and yawns; the alcohol has made him a little sleepy. Suddenly his face brightens up and he grins crazily.
"Hey, if we're in luck, the pilot's not feeling to well today. Then I can drive this plane!"
He's starting to become excited, eagerly waving his arms.
"I just LOVE all those buttons and levers!"
He turns towards the cockpit and shouts, "HEY!! Is Jekyll driving this damn wreck today or what?"
He stumbles drunkenly inside, loudly singing a dirty song.